I am especially excited to share that Lauren will be guest blogging on The Stylish Planner for the next 5 weeks!   Next Wednesday, she will share with you a great post on companionship and January 19 – February 9th, she write a 4 part series on dating your spouse.  Lauren and I talked about this late last year and deliberately held off on sharing this with readers so that we could provide it just in time for Valentine’s Day.  This May, my sweet hubby and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage, and one thing we have definitely let slide is our dating life, so I am really looking forward to this series from Lauren.  I hope you will check in on the blog to read this great series.  In the meantime, check out Lauren’s style profile, get to know her a bit and follow her on Twitter: @theLaurenKelly!

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When my husband James and I were married, we had an 8 year relationship under our belts.  I married a man that I knew and knew well and I can say he felt the same about me.  But, what we didn’t know yet was what it meant to be a companion.  As we dove into the “married couple” community I found that we were not the only ones who had to learn this craft.

Through trial and error, and a few fights about the dishes piled in the sink, I learned that James was most responsive and in tune to my needs and wants when I showed my concern about his rather than when I gave reminders or correction.  Essentially, by taking on an attitude of servant-hood towards the things that build him up, I was encouraging him to do the same for me.  This has had an amazing effect on the way we feel at home and the way we feel about one another.

Wanting a companion is one thing but wanting to be one requires a completely different mentality.  Please be clear in knowing you cannot have companionship with your spouse unless you are willing to do everything you can to be the best companion to them.  Focusing on filling up your spouse and being intentional in your actions will create an environment that encourages desire to reciprocate.  It’s not easy to constantly pour into someone if you are running on empty but if you try this, even for one week, I think you will see an extreme difference in the attitude of your spouse and yourself.

Here are a few keys to help get you started.

1.  Creating an environment in your home and your heart that makes your spouse feel welcome is vital.  Without establishing openness from the beginning, you are closing yourself off to receiving love in the way your spouse is trying to give it

2.  Write out 5 descriptive words that express how you want your spouse to feel.  Loved, cared for, treasured, happy, joyful, important, etc.  Carry that list with you and measure your actions toward your mate up against those words.  If they don’t measure up, readjust your approach.  This will keep your heart in check and help you make sure everything you do is out of love.

3.  Everyone loves to be spoiled.  Going the extra step to show appreciation to your spouse in both action and words will return to you ten-fold.  Some examples: if you are the first to leave the house, leave a note for your man on the mirror, or the next time you are out and at the store, grab a bag of his favorite candy and place it somewhere for him to find.

** I feel like I need to add in here that not everyone gives or receives love in the same way.  Ask gentle questions of your spouse such as: “What is your favorite date we have been on?” or “Do you like it when I come see you at your office?”  This will guide you to what things make your spouse feel most appreciated.  I also recommend Gary Chapman’s Book The Five Love Languages to give more insight into giving and receiving love. **

4.  When dealing with any negative experiences or situations that need to be resolved, first share with your spouse three things you appreciate or love about them.  Be as specific as possible so as to let them know that your disappointment is not about them as a person – merely about the situation.

5.  We’ve all heard this since grade school but it’s worth repeating: Think before you speak.  Truly filter your words through love.  Once things are said they cannot be taken back.  In moments of anger, frustration, or hurt, take the opportunity to grow in your own character rather than reacting out of emotion.  Make sure the things you pour into your spouse you would want to receive back from them.

Now, let’s get real for a minute, do not go to your spouse and say, “hey, I think you’ve been a crummy companion so I’m going to try some new things this week to make you better at it.” Bad.  No.  Not ok.  Part of serving is humbling yourself and not expecting recognition or return for your deeds.  Adjust your attitude and perform the tasks listed above out of a desire to be the best spouse you can be.  How your mate reacts is solely on them.

Nurture your relationship this week.  Offer encouragement and recognize where the scale tips into balance.  Companionship, consistency and compassion go hand in hand so work to have them play equals roles in your actions and you will undoubtedly feel deeper fulfillment in both yourself and your relationships.

]]> http://www.thestylishplanner.com/2011/01/companionship-by-lauren-kelly/feed/ 3 http://www.thestylishplanner.com/2010/11/wellness-wednesday-a-healthy-fat-you-need/ http://www.thestylishplanner.com/2010/11/wellness-wednesday-a-healthy-fat-you-need/#comments Wed, 17 Nov 2010 21:00:00 +0000 Jeannine Kennedy http://www.thestylishplanner.com/2010/11/wellness-wednesday-a-healthy-fat-you-need/ I am so pleased to welcome a new monthly feature to The Stylish Planner for the Wellness Wednesday format.  Metabolic Meals is a  Diet Delivery Company located in St. Louis, Missouri.  By addressing health first, Metabolic Meals makes it easier for clients to lose fat and perform better.  In an industry dominated by companies that use sub par ingredients and focus solely on portion control, Metabolic Meals is certainly different!  They maintain relationships with several local farmers who share their passion for sustainable agriculture. This gives their chef’s access to the freshest, healthiest foods available.  Then, they take it a step further and include “super foods” in every meal that is created.  The end result is a meal plan that burns fat, boosts the immune system and tastes delicious!  Metabolic Meals also has a team of experts available to answer any questions you may have regarding health and wellness.  Offering a superior quality and broad range of products, Metabolic Meals is far from the Average Diet Delivery Company!

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CLA: A New Healthy Fat

You have probably heard the term CLA in the news recently, but you may not know exactly what it is. CLA or Conjugated Linoleic Acid is a newly discovered healthy fat that may also be a potent cancer fighter!  In recent studies, very small amounts of CLA have been shown to block all three stages of cancer: 1) Initiation, 2) Promotion & 3) Metastasis. Most anti-cancer agents block only one of these stages. What’s more, CLA has slowed the growth of an unusually wide variety of tumors, including cancers of the skin, breast, prostate, and colon.
Aside from its link to cancer fighting, CLA also plays a pivotal role in many body functions. Here are just a few ways the body uses CLA:

· Increases metabolic rate

· Decreases abdominal fat

· Enhances muscle growth

· Lowers cholesterol and triglycerides

· Lowers insulin resistance

· Reduces food-induced allergic reactions

· Enhances immune system

You may be asking yourself, “Where can I find CLA? Does it come in a bottle?” The most abundant sources of natural CLA are grass-fed meats such as grass-fed beef, bison & lamb and dairy products like organic milk, yogurts & cheeses. Research conducted since 1999 shows that grazing animals have from 3-5 times more CLA than animals fattened on grain in a feedlot. Simply switching from grain-fed to grass-fed products can greatly increase your intake of CLA.

For more information about the importance of CLA and all things health, nutrition or fitness, visit Metabolic Meals on facebook or the Metabolic Meals Blog.

My mother passed away due to brain cancer when I was 11 years old.  She was a breast cancer survivor, but not without physical and emotional scars.  I vaguely remember spending time in the hospital while she had one breast removed, but I remember vividly her tears and struggle in the months that followed.  She felt less of a woman and it exasperated my Daddy who loved her dearly, but didn’t know the words to comfort her.  The mix of emotions in our home during that time will forever be with me.  As a grown woman, I can mentally put myself in my mothers shoes and think about what having a mastectomy must have done to her spirit. I think my vanity would drive me out of my mind.

Due to my family medical history, I’ve had mammograms since I turned 30.  It’s very routine to me now, and although unpleasant, I am diligent in keeping track of my exam time each year.  It is my hope that each of the female readers of The Stylish Planner are diligent as well.  You may be too young at this time for routine mammograms, but you are not too young for breast self exams.  At a minimum, your OB/GYN should do a breast exam during your annual check up each year, and you should be doing one on your own monthly.

Haven’t started this monthly habit yet?  It’s never too late – read this if you need a little help: Instructions for a Breast Self Exam

Take care of the girls, girls.

Have you lost a loved one to breast cancer or do you have a survival story to share?  I would love to read it – feel free to share in the comments.

It feels great and bare feet go with every outfit. *smile*

We still have one dog named Princess.  She is 14 years old.  When she is gone, we will get another dog that will hopefully be the same kind of longtime friend to my son, Gabe that both Velvet and Princess have been.  I can’t imagine our family without a pet!

Did you know that medical studies show that pets lower our anxiety and blood pressure while boosting immunity?  Americans own around 77.5 million dogs and 93.6 million cats.  We create Twitter accounts for them and Facebook Profiles, put them in ridiculous pet clothes and carry them in tote bags with us everywhere we go.  We love our pets – and in return, they provide us with unconditional love and laughter.

Pet Finder is a great website dedicated to pet adoptions and educating people on how to be a good owner.

Are you a pet owner?  Tell me about your pet in the comments below.

If you are not a pet owner, what are you waiting for? It’s time to add a pet to your family, whether you are a single gal, or you have a house full of children.  They will bring you a lot of joy.

NOTE from Jeannine:  I’m really excited to have Mary Dann-McNamee as a guest contributor today on The Stylish Planner.  In addition to sharing her actual wedding wisdom with us, Mary has also generously offered to contribute an autographed copy of her book, Wedding Wisdom for a giveaway to one lucky winner!  Winning is easy, just read Mary’s post today and leave a comment below.  One winner will be randomly selected to receive an autographed copy of Wedding Wisdom.  Enjoy!

As one of the most sought-after wedding planners in Southern California, Mary Dann-McNamee has been responsible for creative and compassionate wedding and event planning since 1991.  Mary holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy.  Her passion for the industry has led her down many paths, including becoming a contributing writer for the following magazines: Inside Weddings & Ceremony.  She has a been the on-air talent for the nationally syndicated television show "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" as well as WE Network’s “Platinum Weddings".  Dann-McNamee is a notable speaker, mentor and career counselor to event professionals world-wide.  She launched her gifts and stationery line, which includes, The Mary Dann Collection: Gratitude Notes and custom created "Wedding Wands".  Mary has also produced two DVD’s: "The Wedding Planner Path" and the "The Balanced Planner” and is the co-author of the newly released book "Wedding Wisdom".  Check out Mary’s website at: www.marydann.com and follow her on twitter: @marydann

Habits to start in order to stay balanced!

-Know that you “make or create time” it does not come knocking at your door.  Avoid saying “I don’t have time”.  The truth is you have not created the time.

-If a task takes longer than 30 minutes, put it in your calendar to make time to have it completed.

-Practice finding at least 20 gifts throughout your day. Gift of getting home safely, gift of a new prospect call, gift a new idea, gift of a positive email you did not expect, etc.

-Decrease the negative remarks and “self-talk” to oneself.  Stop telling yourself your short falls.  Start highlighting your positive choices.

-BREATHE with purpose. Inhale with a mantra of “I Love you” and exhale with the mantra of “Thank you”.

Leave your comment here to be placed in the random drawing for Mary’s book, Wedding Wisdom.

We’re business smart, book smart, street smart, savvy women.  We are all kinds of smart, but are we smart about our safety?  Have you taken a self defense class?  Have you taken one in the last decade?  If not, put it on your to-do list – NOW.  Check your community blogs – these classes are commonly offered free of charge through local area churches, community centers, and police departments.  Drag a girlfriend along with you and make a night of it.  In the meantime, here are some tips to keep you safe:

• Wear comfortable clothes when you know you will be walking alone. 
• If you are leaving an event, ask another person if you can walk along with them.
• Avoid long scarves or tuck them into jackets and coats – a would be attacker will use anything to grab onto.
• Remember, the four most sensitive areas on a man are the groin, knee, throat and eyes.
• Carry pepper spray and aim for the eyes if you have an occasion to use it.

Here’s a great article from Cosmopolitan on safety for women:  How to save your ass with self defense

Be proactive. be aware of your surroundings – don’t make yourself an easy target.  One in a million women being assaulted is one too many.  One in four is unspeakable.

Oprah did the Quantum Wellness Cleanse by developed by Kathy Freston.  You can read all about her experience on Oprah.com

Everywhere you look, there are Detox Diets.  Some with ingredients you purchase in the store and drink with water, some with instructions on certain foods and drinks you can buy yourself and make at home.

I can’t get past the idea of eating NO food (for 10 days!) with The Master Cleanse, and the Quantum Wellness Cleanse includes very few foods that I like and lasts for 21 days.  I suppose I’m not very disciplined anyway…I really, really, really love food!

Besides, isn’t it the job of my very capable liver to screen any toxins that I may accidentally consume?  I’m just not sure that the benefits would outweigh the discomfort of being on the diet.

If you are thinking about starting a detox or a cleansing diet, please do your research first and talk with a doctor.

Here’s a great link to an article on WebMD that may help:  http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/detox-diets-purging-myths

What do you think?  Have you considered going on a detox diet?

Have you already tried a detox or cleansing diet?  Tell me about it – I’d love to hear about your experience!

I’m so glad I ordered this book from Amazon, ($11.66) because it helped me realize that even without eating sweets, my sugar consumption has been way too high.  For example, most days, I eat a Nutri-Grain Cereal Bar for breakfast.  With only 130 calories, I thought I was making a pretty good choice.  WRONG!  These have 12 grams of sugar per bar, leaving only 3 grams for the rest the Belly Fat Diet’s recommended daily sugar intake.

I’ve never been much of a soda person, but for those of you who are, one regular Coca Cola has 39 grams of sugar, 24 grams more than your entire recommended daily allowance on the Belly Fat Diet.  Personally, I would much rather eat my sugar grams than drink them, unless of course we are talking about milkshakes…but I digress.

Sugar is associated with a number of evils when used in excess.  Here are just a few of them:

Taken from www.HealingDaily.com

• Sugar can suppress the immune system.
• Sugar can contribute to hyperactivity, anxiety, depression, and concentration difficulties
• Sugar can produce a significant rise in triglycerides.
• Sugar can reduce helpful high density cholesterol (HDLs).
• Sugar can promote an elevation of harmful cholesterol (LDLs).
• Sugar can cause hypoglycemia.
• Sugar contributes to a weakened defense against bacterial infection.
• Sugar can cause kidney damage.
• Sugar can increase the risk of coronary heart disease.
• Sugar can promote tooth decay.
• Sugar can speed the aging process, causing wrinkles and grey hair.
• Sugar can increase total cholesterol.
• Sugar can contribute to weight gain and obesity.
• High intake of sugar increases the risk of Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis.
• Sugar can contribute to diabetes.
• Sugar can contribute to osteoporosis.
• Sugar can cause a decrease in insulin sensitivity.
• Sugar can increase systolic blood pressure.
• Sugar can cause depression.
• Sugar can increase the body’s fluid retention.
• Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance.
• Sugar can cause hypertension.
• Sugar can cause headaches, including migraines.
• Sugar can cause an increase in delta, alpha and theta brain waves, which can alter the mind’s ability to think clearly.

Who needs all this extra health trouble?  Chances are, you can decrease your daily sugar intake by just omitting one or two things from your diet.  I challenge you to join me on the road to wellness by decreasing your sugar intake.   What will you give up for better health?

 Source

Inevitably, at least once a year, I allow my priorities to get completely out of line. Honestly, I have several self-destructive behaviors that you would think I would overcome as I get older. Some I do, some I don’t. Here are a few of the repeat offenders for your reading pleasure:

• Zombie TV marathons – I am so tired at the end of the day that I crash in front of the TV, watching an absurd amount of TV when I really should be sleeping. Seriously, I really should clean my own house instead of watching Niecy Nash and her crew clean someone else’s.
• Poor food choices – lately, I grab whatever is quick and keeps me from having to cook. Never mind that it isn’t the best choice, it’s fast and I can eat it at my desk.
• Skipping workouts – I had a real workout today for the first time since March and my body can feel it. I know I am so much better at everything when I take that time for myself, so why do I dread it so much?
• Procrastinating the hard stuff – I’ve been doing this a lot lately. I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with things – at the top of the day, no less.
• Working long hours. I know you do this too, and some days call for long hours, but not every day. I tell myself all the time, “When I get caught up I can go back to regular business hours.” Guess what? I will never be caught up – I just need to prioritize better.
• Not nurturing my relationships. I couldn’t tell you the last time my sweet hubby and I had a date night. How on earth I ended up with a wonderful man who puts up with my idiosyncrasies is anyone’s guess. My son has spent a large portion of his summer as a gamer. I console myself with the fact that most of the games are educational, and it’s too hot outside anyway. I have some amazing girlfriends, but honestly, I couldn’t tell you what most of them have been up to. I. am. awesome.

Really, the list goes on and on. My son starts back to school next week. Back to school time has become a sort of checkpoint point for my annual goals aka New Year’s Resolutions. When I look back to what my life was like this time last year, I was in a much better place than I am now. As a result of having taken on so much this summer, I am overlooking important details – both in my personal life and business.  Why, why, why do I do this?!

It ends today.

I have spent the better part of the last two days feeling sorry for myself and beating myself up. Strangely, I think I needed to experience this low in order to gain the resolve to make some changes. Does anyone else feel this way about life, or am I losing it? Wait. Maybe I don’t want to read the answers to that.

Actually, I decided to share this today because I suspect that some of you do the same thing, right? (Please say yes, please say yes!)

If you feel the same way, invite me to your pity party – not only will I be there, I’ll bring the chips and salsa. Thanks by the way, for stopping in to mine.