NOTE FROM JEANNINE: Please enjoy this guest post today from the very talented Lauren Kelly. Lauren is a wedding planner out of Waco, Texas, and I absolutely adore her blog, Love, Milk & Honey. If you aren’t reading it, you definitely should be. It is a wonderful online community for nearlylwed and newlyweds – or even “seasoned” married folks like me! I think providing this resource for couples is such a wonderful thing – especially in a world where we are usually so focused on the wedding day itself and not the marriage.
I am especially excited to share that Lauren will be guest blogging on The Stylish Planner for the next 5 weeks! Next Wednesday, she will share with you a great post on companionship and January 19 – February 9th, she write a 4 part series on dating your spouse. Lauren and I talked about this late last year and deliberately held off on sharing this with readers so that we could provide it just in time for Valentine’s Day. This May, my sweet hubby and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage, and one thing we have definitely let slide is our dating life, so I am really looking forward to this series from Lauren. I hope you will check in on the blog to read this great series. In the meantime, check out Lauren’s style profile, get to know her a bit and follow her on Twitter: @theLaurenKelly!
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When my husband James and I were married, we had an 8 year relationship under our belts. I married a man that I knew and knew well and I can say he felt the same about me. But, what we didn’t know yet was what it meant to be a companion. As we dove into the “married couple” community I found that we were not the only ones who had to learn this craft.
Through trial and error, and a few fights about the dishes piled in the sink, I learned that James was most responsive and in tune to my needs and wants when I showed my concern about his rather than when I gave reminders or correction. Essentially, by taking on an attitude of servant-hood towards the things that build him up, I was encouraging him to do the same for me. This has had an amazing effect on the way we feel at home and the way we feel about one another.
Wanting a companion is one thing but wanting to be one requires a completely different mentality. Please be clear in knowing you cannot have companionship with your spouse unless you are willing to do everything you can to be the best companion to them. Focusing on filling up your spouse and being intentional in your actions will create an environment that encourages desire to reciprocate. It’s not easy to constantly pour into someone if you are running on empty but if you try this, even for one week, I think you will see an extreme difference in the attitude of your spouse and yourself.
Here are a few keys to help get you started.
1. Creating an environment in your home and your heart that makes your spouse feel welcome is vital. Without establishing openness from the beginning, you are closing yourself off to receiving love in the way your spouse is trying to give it
2. Write out 5 descriptive words that express how you want your spouse to feel. Loved, cared for, treasured, happy, joyful, important, etc. Carry that list with you and measure your actions toward your mate up against those words. If they don’t measure up, readjust your approach. This will keep your heart in check and help you make sure everything you do is out of love.
3. Everyone loves to be spoiled. Going the extra step to show appreciation to your spouse in both action and words will return to you ten-fold. Some examples: if you are the first to leave the house, leave a note for your man on the mirror, or the next time you are out and at the store, grab a bag of his favorite candy and place it somewhere for him to find.
** I feel like I need to add in here that not everyone gives or receives love in the same way. Ask gentle questions of your spouse such as: “What is your favorite date we have been on?” or “Do you like it when I come see you at your office?” This will guide you to what things make your spouse feel most appreciated. I also recommend Gary Chapman’s Book The Five Love Languages to give more insight into giving and receiving love. **
4. When dealing with any negative experiences or situations that need to be resolved, first share with your spouse three things you appreciate or love about them. Be as specific as possible so as to let them know that your disappointment is not about them as a person – merely about the situation.
5. We’ve all heard this since grade school but it’s worth repeating: Think before you speak. Truly filter your words through love. Once things are said they cannot be taken back. In moments of anger, frustration, or hurt, take the opportunity to grow in your own character rather than reacting out of emotion. Make sure the things you pour into your spouse you would want to receive back from them.
Now, let’s get real for a minute, do not go to your spouse and say, “hey, I think you’ve been a crummy companion so I’m going to try some new things this week to make you better at it.” Bad. No. Not ok. Part of serving is humbling yourself and not expecting recognition or return for your deeds. Adjust your attitude and perform the tasks listed above out of a desire to be the best spouse you can be. How your mate reacts is solely on them.
Nurture your relationship this week. Offer encouragement and recognize where the scale tips into balance. Companionship, consistency and compassion go hand in hand so work to have them play equals roles in your actions and you will undoubtedly feel deeper fulfillment in both yourself and your relationships.












Jeannine Kennedy:
Of course, Josh & Amber, I agree and am blessed to have Lauren contributing to The Stylish Planner. I am a big fan of your work and was thrilled when I realized “the images” Lauren had been corresponding about were from you guys! The shoot was really lovely and heartfelt. If you ever find yourselves in Atlanta, please call and let’s grab coffee or a bite together!
2011.Jan.12 9:42 pm
Ulmer Studios:
This is such a beautiful post. This is exactly why we fell in love with Lauren as a dear friend! She has such a heart for the health of the couple’s marriage and isn’t worried about just the wedding day! As wedding photographer’s we know the wedding day is such an important thing, but True Love is a Big Deal and goes way beyond the wedding day!
-J+A
P.S. Thanks so much for using some of our images!
2011.Jan.12 9:10 pm
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2011.Jan.12 2:37 pm